Catriona

Page 111

Her father had cast doubts upon the innocence of my

friendship; and these, it was my first business to allay. But

there is a kind of an excuse for Catriona also. We had shared in a

scene of some tenderness and passion, and given and received

caresses: I had thrust her from me with violence; I had called

aloud upon her in the night from the one room to the other; she had

passed hours of wakefulness and weeping; and it is not to be

supposed I had been absent from her pillow thoughts. Upon the back

of this, to be awaked, with unaccustomed formality, under the name

of Miss Drummond, and to be thenceforth used with a great deal of

distance and respect, led her entirely in error on my private

sentiments; and she was indeed so incredibly abused as to imagine

me repentant and trying to draw off!

The trouble betwixt us seems to have been this: that whereas I

(since I had first set eyes on his great hat) thought singly of

James More, his return and suspicions, she made so little of these

that I may say she scarce remarked them, and all her troubles and

doings regarded what had passed between us in the night before.

This is partly to be explained by the innocence and boldness of her

character; and partly because James More, having sped so ill in his

interview with me, or had his mouth closed by my invitation, said

no word to her upon the subject. At the breakfast, accordingly, it

soon appeared we were at cross purposes. I had looked to find her

in clothes of her own: I found her (as if her father were

forgotten) wearing some of the best that I had bought for her, and

which she knew (or thought) that I admired her in. I had looked to

find her imitate my affectation of distance, and be most precise

and formal; instead I found her flushed and wild-like, with eyes

extraordinary bright, and a painful and varying expression, calling

me by name with a sort of appeal of tenderness, and referring and

deferring to my thoughts and wishes like an anxious or a suspected

wife.

But this was not for long. As I behold her so regardless of her

own interests, which I had jeopardised and was now endeavouring to

recover, I redoubled my own coldness in the manner of a lesson to

the girl. The more she came forward, the farther I drew back; the

more she betrayed the closeness of our intimacy, the more pointedly

civil I became, until even her father (if he had not been so

engrossed with eating) might have observed the opposition. In the

midst of which, of a sudden, she became wholly changed, and I told

myself, with a good deal of relief, that she had took the hint at

last.

All day I was at my classes or in quest of my new lodging; and

though the hour of our customary walk hung miserably on my hands, I

cannot say but I was happy on the whole to find my way cleared, the

girl again in proper keeping, the father satisfied or at least

acquiescent, and myself free to prosecute my love with honour. At

supper, as at all our meals, it was James More that did the

talking. No doubt but he talked well if anyone could have believed

him. But I will speak of him presently more at large. The meal at

an end, he rose, got his great coat, and looking (as I thought) at

me, observed he had affairs abroad. I took this for a hint that I

was to be going also, and got up; whereupon the girl, who had

scarce given me greeting at my entrance, turned her eyes upon me

wide open with a look that bade me stay. I stood between them like

a fish out of water, turning from one to the other; neither seemed

to observe me, she gazing on the floor, he buttoning his coat:

which vastly swelled my embarrassment. This appearance of

indifference argued, upon her side, a good deal of anger very near

to burst out. Upon his, I thought it horribly alarming; I made

sure there was a tempest brewing there; and considering that to be

the chief peril, turned towards him and put myself (so to speak) in

the man's hands.

Robert Louis Stevenson
Classic Literature Library

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